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cstmpkg
25 April 2007 @ 12:27 pm
when i was a young girl
trying to find her way above the tree tops, the tree tops, the tree tops
when i was a young girl
trying to find her way above the tree tops, the tree tops, the tree tops
i did not care, i did not care
what they called me, what they called me

i'll float above the ocean
the sun above is burning my head
i will grow wings and fly everywhere

when i was a young girl
trying to find her way above the tree tops, the tree tops, the tree tops
i did not care, i did not care
what they called me, what they called me
no, i did not care, i should not care
what they called me, what they called me

i'll float above the ocean
the sun above is burning my head
i will grow wings and fly everywhere


butter warm clouds are dripping into my mouth
tasting of golden

i'll float above the ocean
the sun above is burning my head
i will grow wings and fly everywhere


i'll float above the ocean
the sun above is burning my head
i will grow wings and fly everywhere
 
 
Current Location: library
Current Mood: determineddetermined
Current Music: Tree tops Eisley
 
 
cstmpkg
24 April 2007 @ 01:22 pm
*to be sung in an obnoxiously loud and off key manner*
i think i need to take a small moment and explore the depths of the coolness that is my boss. He's wonderful. He lets me come in late to work so i can spent three hours cramming random micro phrases and paths into that poor poor overloaded thing i call my brain. good man. granted his choices were, i can come in late or i can just not come in... he seemed happy with the coming in at all actually.
test tomorrow, last lab test thursday lab test monday last lecture test tuesday, possible micro test that thursday and review all next week...
yeah i got this. and a migrane, and maybe a few shots of something mildly alcoholic so i can sleep... there's a concept...
two hours after work to do projects and throw together a paper. i got this..
i think.
if nothing else i'm putting on a good show for everyone else involved right?
granted i could just get off work go home and call people tell them not to pick me up so late...
or i could study
or i could just finish work sit on the floor and cry because i'm so damn wiped.
and i think there's a ritual this weekend, and i can't wrap my brain around how i'm gonna pull off the amount of work i have to do for school on top of that. full blown panic attack int he middle of class yesterday for no good reason. today? i think i'm hungry, i can't really tell.
meh
so up and moving in a room full of equally stressed people... heh
life is moving i suppose ^_^
 
 
Current Music: tango de roxanne
 
 
cstmpkg
23 April 2007 @ 12:31 pm
i'm all wound up and don't know why. I feel like there's a foot about to fall and i'm not sure where it's gonna come from. i've been clumsier than i should be today, i've banged up my legs pretty good and haven't even made it to work. i did okay on my test, little higher b than i got last time, so not too bad. its like everything is getting closer and closer together, and i can't breathe and i'm not even sure what's getting closer together, it's just so tight it's taking all the air out. lack of sleep? nah, plenty, on top of things? fuck yeah, i just have finals to study for and two tiny tests and a paper and i swear it feels like i'm in those few seconds before a crash, those seconds where you see everything in slow motion smashing together with all the pieces flying off at random tangents... that moment, where you're hanging on and bracing for impact and you know absolutely that no matter how good you brace you will still be tossed like a rag doll.
i have no clue what's wrong, and no idea how to fix it.
i'll just sit here and shake before class and hope that i don't screw up too badly at work.
 
 
Current Location: Library... it's cold here
Current Music: Return to me October Project
 
 
cstmpkg
19 April 2007 @ 10:18 am
so brain is out, gone, thank you ladies and gentlemen we're out to lunch for the day *beeeeep*
no idea on that test. i either did ridiculously good on it or i bombed it. i don't know and right now i dont care.
i'm numb and tired.
surving.
yeah right
 
 
cstmpkg
17 April 2007 @ 12:12 pm
AHHHHH.
Mutherfucking Ahhhhhhhh!
yeah
i'm not sure how i'm gonna pull it off, but i have a test that i can't fail right now on thursday and i thought i still ahd a week... a week, any idea how much studying is in a week? any at all? alot. a crazy crazy amount it's several little hours broken down into managable chunks and threads and strings of information that i can process and pull up all at once, and i have to figure out how to cram it all into what's left of today *after work* after the car gets home* after life has it's small interlude* and a tiny chunk of tomorrow tiny. microfuckingscopic. and i'm already burned out. i'm already seeing gibberish when i start to read, already already already crap. just crapcrapcrap.
!!!
yes
*beep*
 
 
Current Mood: recumbentrecumbent
 
 
 
 
cstmpkg
13 April 2007 @ 04:43 am
Thought is only a flash between two long nights, but this flash is everything. - henri poincare. So its not even five and i'm up after strange dreams. Dreams of a party i didn't want to go to and a friend making a drunken scene. i watched as he came in picked up the game everyone was playing and proceeded to explain to them how to play properly, until they all left the room and i was left to tell them why.
i don't like confrontations, i don't like standing up to people. it's probably why i'm the ideal person to do it. i don't like standing up for myself most times, and i do it terribly. i whine alot. i'm selfish. i'm kinda a baby. i prefer the straight and easy tack to effort. yeah.that's me. the poster child for what... nothing i suppose. i'm too tired to be anything at the moment. and it's almost 5 am.
argh


 
 
cstmpkg
10 April 2007 @ 04:07 pm
i think i figured it out. It? well i suppose it could be alot of things, but primarily it at this very moment, happens to be why this trend towards funny actors to serious ones bugs me so much, and i think it can be summed up in the thought 'kids should be allowed to be kids.' now granted i'm not knocking these funny turned serious actors, but i have to question the push. Do they feel they aren't taken seriously enough? Honestly? look at people like Vin Disel, granted he's not the best example of a serious actor, in fact i'm fairly certain most people i know would argue his claim on that title. No one goes to a movie to see a funny vin disel, they go to see him look relatively good and kick people's teeth in, in that gravely i'm too sexy for this wife beater i stole off that skinny slut last night, way.
Tom Hanks? Funny guy. Seriously funny, the man had a gift. and then he decided to be serious and BAM he turns Whiney. Castaway? critical acclaim for a man stuck on an island. wow. and we ate it up? what the hell does that say about us? (us i mean the people who watched it not us the people who saw the previews and refused.) Robin Williams? another funny as hell man, and then he got a taste of the Weepies in Dead Poet's society. Jim Carey? Well brother Carey was a bit confused i think. He was stupidly funny in that physical way that only a man with a rubber face can be, and then sadly pathetically funny and then tried to be scary funny which just turned out to being nauseatingly sad and then the man i think truly found his calling. I cried watching his dramatic stuff. he tried serious scary again, but it didn't quite work out. He tried obnoxiously physical humor again, and yeah, well thanks could you be a bit more, i dunno serious or something? we're not even going into the Ice Cube phenomenon. Eddie Murphy? well.. yeah i'm not sure about him, he sorta fell off the planet in a way. and then Disney and Dreamworks found him.. and then he got serious and managed to land a roll in adult movie yay Dreamgirls? and then got consigned to Shrek 4... because god knows we can't follow our favorite green mike myers look alike without the trusty culture spewing donkey.
so the point of all this? it's sad that people have got it in their head that an actor isn't really an 'actor' until he's done it all. We end up with stuff like 'the Cable Guy' Sleepless in Seatle and  all the other meg ryan tom hanks look alike cookie cutters that inundated the 90's and 00's, Bicentenial Man... and as I look around at the masses paying for their tickets and shoveling stale popcorn in their faces i can't help but think... who's idea was this... really?
 
 
Current Mood: thoughtfulthoughtful
 
 
cstmpkg
09 April 2007 @ 10:25 am
and once again i am faced with how very little i care for school. Actually i love school, i think its the effort to get here and the boredom between classes that kills me. between classes, not even bothering with work. work is boring and i can't do crap about it really, but i can be happy about a steady paycheck. i had this incredible night. It was very low key, relatively functional, and ended so wonderfully i actually woke up afraid it happened. it's strange waking up. that confusing moment where the mind tries to catagorize thoughts. 'this here this is real, that... that is dream, that? well we recommend punting... so i'm up, caffine isn't helping and i want to curl back up in bed and remember last night. i want to hold it close and watch and remember and just drift happily off to sleep. it was that perfect moment stuff in the most imperfect elegant way it could possibly happen. i think i'm gonna be all floaty and dreamy today, hope i don't screw up... it's almost never a good idea for me to get dreamy while working. i drop things, i break things,  i grin at the absolute wrong people at the absolute wrong time. and i've been typing for a good ten minutes or so not on this obviously, and my fingers are still cold and oddly not functioning properly. go figure.
sooo yeah
happy day?
who knows
...
who really cares... and what do i care if they do...
 
 
Current Location: Library
Current Mood: calmcalm
Current Music: Beethoven Sonata 3 in F Op 1
 
 
cstmpkg
05 April 2007 @ 07:11 pm
Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to arise
Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these sunken eyes and learn to see
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to be free.

Blackbird fly, Blackbird fly
Into the light of the dark black night.

Blackbird fly, Blackbird fly
Into the light of the dark black night.

Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to arise
You were only waiting for this moment to arise
You were only waiting for this moment to arise